Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
