I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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