Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
