there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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