Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
