I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
