I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
