They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
