I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
