If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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