I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
