I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
