singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
