sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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