dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize