i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
