Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
