gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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