you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
