dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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