I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
