Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
