Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
