Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
