You really coming over, don't trick.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
