your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Randomize
