did you get engaged???
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
