you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
40s are totally the cure
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
