you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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