Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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