i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
