i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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