he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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