i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
