Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
