I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
