so that wasnt chicken after all
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
