here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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