I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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