Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
