he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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