i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
