And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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