Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
