i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
