I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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