Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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