i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
