Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
