wakey wakey hands off snakey
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
