I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
