saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
you're hired as official boob wrangler
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
