??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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