Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
