Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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