Already got asked if we're dating
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize