even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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