I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
