if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
