We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize
