I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
