If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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