Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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