WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
