I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
