On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We are two peas in an std pod
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize