You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
