I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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